Acid Reflux, Control and the Knot of Vishnu

It’s fascinating how emotions, narrative and experience can live in your body, long after pre-frontal processing occurs.

You know that feeling you get after eating too much acidic food?  The rising of stomach acid, either pooling just below your diaphragm and rising up through your esophagus and then…  yeah, you get the point.  I began experiencing acid reflex about two months ago, for the first time in my life. I thought this odd as I had not changed my diet, my exercise routine has picked up a bit but has not changed drastically.  Aside from noticing some tightness beneath my diaphragm and some unpleasant indigestion, I hadn’t thought much about it.

Rewind to last weekend.  I began a five month certification in “Yoga’s integration into Psychotherapy” geared towards therapists who are interested in melding their knowledge of yoga into their clinical work.  The first module, “The Embodied Therapist” focused on Interpersonal Neurobiology and Attachment theory as well as Countertransference and Empathetic Receptors.  Throughout the module, we were encouraged to track emotions and narrative in our own bodies, while beginning to understand how to assess the somatic experiences of others and how to distinguish what’s ours and what belongs to the person we are working with.

During one exercise, we were assigned a number.  The participants who were assigned “1” photo (56)lined up on the back wall.  The participants who were assigned “2”, lined up directly across from the “1’s” in the middle of the room.  The 1’s were to slowly approach the 2’s, and the 2’s were asked to lift a hand when they were ready for the 1’s to stop walking.  This non-verbal exercise was meant to explore our own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others, as well as what we anticipate others’ boundaries will be, and whether or not that expectation is based on somatic cues or our own “stuff.”

I was assigned a “2.”  As a “2”, I was the first to be approached and set limits.  After I set my boundary, we were asked to reflect on how we knew that a boundary needed to be set.  As my partner approached, I noticed a dull, tight sensation near my diaphragm.  When I approached her, I experienced the same sensation milliseconds before she put her hand up.

We went through other exercises last weekend, where we were asked to reflect on our somatic experience, and over and over again, I noticed tightness in my diaphragm, particularly related to exercises that left be feeling vulnerable and destabilized.

Last weekend wasn’t the first time I have noticed the tightness in my diaphragm, nor was it the first time in the recent past that I have felt vulnerable, destabilized, not in control.

Last June I went to the Grand Canyon with friends and family to celebrate my birthday.  Being surrounded by the people I love most and the beauty that only nature can create was an incredible way to launch into a new decade.  One of my closest friends is an acupuncturist.  When I met her in 2007, she shook the very core of my being.  She is incredibly warm, intelligent and skilled.  As I got to know her better, my perceptions of the world I live in shifted dramatically.  She knew things about me that she couldn’t have known, had she not had some kind of gift; the kind of “knowing” that I have always been skeptical of (and still am).  But this friendship challenges my rational mind, and I like to be challenged.

1064521_853089435117_1473520324_o (1)This friend joined me at the Grand Canyon and gave me an acupuncture treatment in the cabin we stayed in.  This was one of the most intense treatments I have ever had and the first time I became aware of the lack of somatic feeling in my diaphragm.  I am typically quite sensitive and can sense subtle changes in my body, but during this treatment I realized that while most of my body was buzzing with sensation and movement, this area felt stagnant, null.  During the treatment, imagery of a dark vortex was evoked but the force of the vortex was no match for the stagnation I experienced.  It was almost as though there was an energetic pause button that served as a gatekeeper to accessing the junk beneath it.

After returning from the trip, I went to my massage therapist and as she was palpating my abdomen and she commented on how tight I was just below my liver and up into my diaphragm.

It was in November when I first started to experience acid reflux.  This coincided with a major life transition.  This life transition, while a happy one, kicked up a bunch of my old “stuff”:  feeling out of control, voiceless, vulnerable, destabilized.  At that point, my somatic experience of my diaphragm transitioned from stagnation to heaviness.  As I rode this transition, old emotions began to bubble up.  It wasn’t until I became conscious of the pattern that was playing out, that I could begin to reconcile the emotional and somatic experiences that were tapping me on the shoulder, rather peskily.

It all came to a head last Monday.  I went to an acupuncture appointment to address something unrelated.  As the acupuncturist was palpating my body, she mentioned that I have a knot just below my diaphragm.  During the treatment, I fell into a deep relaxation and imagery of knot came up and as soon as the knot popped into my mind’s eye, this knot transformed into the cap of a vault.  Underneath the cap, I noticed the same imagery that came up for me when I was in the Grand Canyon, a vortex, except this time it didn’t seem as intense.  In this meditative state, I began to play around with the imagery that was before me, and attempted to open the cap that was protecting the vault.  I couldn’t will the vault open even in my imagination; the cap just kept spinning, but in the spinning I felt safe/protected.

As the cap to the vault was spinning rapidly, so did my curiosity.  What is this all about?  Or perhaps is it about nothing and was I just grasping for something to understand my experience, to connect with myself?  I wrote a bit about my understanding of the subtle body, including chakras, here.  Even with the (perceived) dissonance that exists between my rational mind and my somatic experience, I choose to explore my body within the chakra construct, as doing so has been powerful for me in the past.

7-chakras-in-the-body-symbols-and-meaning-1024x810-meditationgongs.net_When I do chakra meditation, I notice different things on different days.  One thing that has been fairly consistent, particularly in the last six months or so, is a feeling of being blocked, in the area just above my solar plexus and below my heart chakra.  My root is sometimes muddled and sometimes strong, my sacral and solar plexus tend to be clear (resulting from a lot of  work) but then I experience almost a hop of energy moving up towards my heart.  It feels as thought a force is both skipping over and also laterally circumventing the area just below my diaphragm.

Interestingly, my digestive issues follow suit.  My stomach acid rises and upon leaving my stomach and passing though my diaphragm, the acid stops and feels as though it pools just below my diaphragm.

To counter balance of this inward looking, I took it to Google.  Interested in a yogic explanation of all of this, I searched for: “the place between the solar plexus and the heart chakra” and learned about The Knot of Vishnu. A KNOT!  I like the way this blog describes it. In essence, having a knot in this area just below the diaphragm represents an obstruction between will power (which I am terming control) and the heart.  This obstruction makes perfect sense in the context of my recent life transition.  It’s uncanny to me that my indigestion halts at exactly the point that ancient yoga theory postulates the Knot of Vishnu resides, which is atypical for acid reflux, and curious to me that these symptoms as well as the tightness co-occured with a triggering event. Coincidence?  Perhaps.  But I am choosing to work within this paradigm in order to see what happens.

How does the Knot of Vishnu become untied?  I imagine it’s different for everybody.  In hopes that the cap on the vault will loosen, even slightly, my plan is to…

  • set aside time to breathe diaphragmatically while focusing on the imagery that came up for me.
  • use 3 part breath supported with a bolster to ensure that I’m filling my entire core, from the pelvis up into the chest, with breath, in order to work towards clearing obstructions.
  • paint in order to externalize the imagery and work with it in a more tangible way.
  • uddiyana bandha
  • surrender expectation of any particular outcome.

My body is ready to surrender.

-acorn.

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The “My Thighs Touch” Project

In light of all of the body shaming and booty and thigh hating that Lululemon has been spewing, this website was created to send a message that our anatomy isn’t to be punished. To learn more click here to visit the project’s Facebook page. Anyone can participate. The more submissions, the stronger the message. Please share!

Here are some links to Lululemon’s public relations blunders (okay, outright misogyny)–there are many, many more…

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-acorn

Fall

If today is any indication of what is to come, Fall is here in Chicago. Rain is dropping, leaves are falling and there is so much transition around– weddings, babies and people heading back to school. It’s a good time to look at ourselves and determine what, if anything, we would like to change.

Yoga is a wonderful way to observe what we are holding on to. With that knowledge, we can then decide what serves us. Through yoga practice we can begin to understand and then move through old narrative that no longer serves us– things we tell ourselves about who we are, old emotions that linger but no longer serve a functional purpose.

On this rainy fall day, I had the privilege of teaching a private yoga lesson. I learn something new every time I teach and for that I am grateful.

During the Fall season, I like to let go. This fall I will loosen my grip on self doubt and trust more than ever that I am all that I need to be.

Below is a sequence that is meant to be practiced slowly and with reflection.  Move through each posture at your own pace and take note of what comes up for you in each posture– physically and emotionally.

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Fall is beautiful for many reasons.  Galway Kinnell’s 1980 poem, “Blackberry Eating” speaks to both the sweetness and the prickliness of the season…

Blackberry Eating

by Galway Kinnell

“I love to go out in late September
among the fat, overripe, icy, black blackberries
to eat blackberries for breakfast,
the stalks very prickly, a penalty
they earn for knowing the black art
of blackberry-making; and as I stand among them
lifting the stalks to my mouth, the ripest berries
fall almost unbidden to my tongue,
as words sometimes do, certain peculiar words
like strengths and squinched,
many-lettered, on-syllabled lumps,
which I squeeze, squinch open, and splurge well
in the silent, startled, icy, black language
of blackberry-eating in late September.”

Happy Fall, friends!

-acorn

What are you interested in learning about?

Hi readers,

I hope you all have been enjoying your summer (or winter if you’re in the southern hemisphere!)  I have been busy, busy this summer.  While it’s fun to have a flurry of activity and time outdoors, I am really looking forward to the fall.  Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the crunch of the leaves and the the cool temperatures. I love the smell of pumpkin, spiced apple cider, and fire pits and I especially enjoy walking my dog this time of year.  My dog, Bucko is a Texan but upon moving to Chicago, he discovered the magic that is Fall.  His favorite thing to do (other than eat, pee and cuddle) is to kick up leaves– the larger the pile, the better.

As we move into fall, I anticipate having more down time to write and am very much looking forward to exploring new topics. I have several ideas brewing for upcoming posts, but am interested in hearing what you all are interested in learning about.  More specifically, I would like to explore the application of yoga to various physical, emotional and behavioral processes.  

What would you like to see covered in upcoming posts?

One of my favorite things about blogging is sharing information and learning together.  I truly appreciate your ideas and feedback.

-acorn

P.S.  Today Bucko is having a dental cleaning which requires anesthesia.  It is an extremely routine procedure but I am an anxious doggy mom today, particularly because he is 11 and has had some health issues recently.  I know he will be fine, but to get me through the day, I am posting an obsessive “Bucko montage” for your enjoyment.  Okay, let’s be real… I am posting it for my sanity!  A little pug love and pranayama to move through the day.

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More on love.

Last night I wrote a piece on love. I focused on using yoga to assist with heart opening and creating clarity. What I didn’t mention is the importance of nourishment. An open heart does well with sustenance circulating in and out and around it.

There’s nothing like a sweet phone call and a vigorous bike ride to get blood pumping into and out of the heart— filling, releasing and nourishing the opening that was created.

What gets your blood pumping?  

-acorn.

LOVE

Elllll. Ohhhhh. Veeeee. Eeeeee. Love.  Why is it that four letter words are impossibly weighty?  Love.  It sounds so simple. To pick apart the layers of love would take more than a lifetime and the definition of the word would differ from lover to lover and from loved to loved.

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The simplicity of the sound and vibration of the word love is misleading.  The frequency with which we use the word love in our everyday (myself included) doesn’t do justice for just how complicated the concept is.

I am still trying to figure out how to best love and be loved– how I want to give and receive love. Love is visceral, electric, soft, nurturing and sweet.  Love starts with the self and once we love ourselves, we are then ready to fully love another. It’s a foundation for which growth can occur; not just for the individual, but for the whole.

When I love fully and when that love is reciprocated fully, love permeates my entire physical body and stirs my insides like a ladle in a vat of soup: warm, spicy, satisfying.

Love is wonderful, even when it hurts. Love is wonderful, even when it’s muddled.  In my body, love feels expansive, tingly, cleansing and electric.  I LOVE that feeling.  I LOVE love.  When things get messy in love, whether with family, friends or with a significant other, two things are vital for me– I need to open my heart and I need clarity.

I have put together a yoga sequence to address both clarity and heart opening.  I threw in some of my favorite postures (postures that I feel a sense of ease in) to create balance given the intensity of a heart opening series.  This series focuses on back bends.  Back bends should be practiced with caution and only when your spine is warm and ready to move.  Backbending is contraindicated for high and low blood pressure, migraine and serious low back and neck injury.  As always, please practice with caution.

LOVE.

What does love feel like in your body?  

-acorn.

“When love exists, nothing else matters, not life’s predicaments, not the fury of the years, not a physical winding down or scarcity of opportunity.”  -Isabel Allende

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”  -Elie Wiesel

Bill Clinton goes VEGAN(ish)

Hi readers!  It’s Monday which means that it’s time to reenter the work week.  As I begin to refasten my thinking cap, I can’t help but have some thoughts around the press surrounding Bill Clinton’s entrée into “veganism” (which actually first starting coming to press in 2010.)   I have incidentally left my diet of of the blogosphere until now– not for any reason in particular, but because being vegan is simply a matter of course for me.  My diet is not my identity or something that is always top of mind, except when an article like this comes out.

I am writing this post in order to continue dialogue around what it means to be vegan.  I will be the first to admit that I don’t believe that labels are useful when held to rigid standards, after all, veganism is a social construction and is defined differently depending on who is doing the defining.  Although many people in the vegan community would disagree with me, I believe that there is no one way to define veganism.  With that said, I personally react to the label being used when someone is actively eating eggs or animal flesh, even if “just once a week.”  That’s my own bias based on my definition of what it means to me, to be vegan.

I am curious to learn more about the nuances of what it means to be vegan and how the definition differs from person to person, so please do chime in!

My girlfriend posted a link to the AARP article on my Facebook “wall” this morning (or is it a timeline?  I can’t keep up!)   In response to the link, I wrote:

Ooof. I’m not sure how I feel about all of the publicity around this. I like that he is reducing his intake significantly as that has a huge impact. People go vegan for many different reasons. Billy started out due to health reasons. I went vegan because my heart hurts when I think about the fear response that animals endure before they are killed. Neither reason is better than the other, but because the label (for me) implies compassion, the weekend omnivore thing (have read that he eats eggs, fish and turkey from time to time) sends a message that I’m not comfortable with. With that said, I applaud him for taking charge of his health for both himself and his family– as a result, animals lives are saved. I wish the title read: “Bill Clinton Reveals How He Became Veganish”

For me, veganism means abstaining from animal flesh, fish, dairy and eggs.  It means doing my best to avoid animal by products.  Attending to my personal ethics surrounding promoting compassion and non-violence extends to all living beings.  I choose to eat honey and take a Lanolin based vitamin D supplement for personal reasons.  Does that make me “so not vegan?”  What do you think? What does veganism mean to you?  I know this topic is heavily charged.  Diet is very personal and it astounds me that the vegan community, a community that often preaches compassion can be so self righteous and condemning.  Please be respectful of one another in the comment section.

 Please do share your thoughts.

 Recent news articles on Bill Clinton’s “vegan” diet:

 AARP

New York Times

Huff Post

POLITICO

Examiner

Mercy for Animals (see pages 2 and 3)

-acorn.

“What is it that should trace the insuperable line?… The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?” —Jeremy Bentham 

“There is no fundamental difference between man and the higher animals in their mental faculties.… The lower animals, like man, manifestly feel pleasure and pain, happiness, and misery.”
—Charles Darwin

“Truly man is the king of beasts, for his brutality exceeds them. We live by the death of others. We are burial places.”
—Leonardo Da Vinci 

“Poor animals! How jealously they guard their pathetic bodies…that which to us is merely an evening’s meal, but to them is life itself.” —T. Casey Brennan